Trip down memory lane

Every once in a while, I go through old chats, inbox messages, wall-to-walls and whatever else I can get my hands on. This time took me way way waaaaayyyyy back. And I was totally freaked out.

I started off with my Facebook messages. Most of the ones that I looked at were from ex boyfriends. I mean, as flirty and friendly as I am naturally, I am usually devoted in my relationships. I look back today and I still think that they were all special in their own way. Yet, we aren't together today. What really is the point?

Some of the messages were us saying 'I love you' others were us acknowledging that it was over but we still cared. Another was him accusing me of cheating and me defending myself telling him that what we had was special and I would not want the memories messed up.

It felt like I was looking at someone else's life. I felt something, like I missed it somehow. I don't know but it was a confusing feeling and I don't know if I liked it.

I also looked at blog posts from before. They are few but they gave me an idea of how I felt at the time. And that was really my reason for starting this blog; to give me a place to remember and re-feel everything. To give me some kind of closure. I think I diverted from that for a while.

It felt good to go back and take a look though.

Going back to my question of what the point is. I asked that because I'm in a relationship now and it scares me almost to death to think about it ending like the others did. I don't want to get to a point where I'm reading old messages from him and thinking 'what went wrong?' Even though I cant see it now, I know I was probably scared about those ones ending as well. So what will be the difference?

I'll stop here today and hope that I get a revelation soon.

Honey

xx

Yes, I will

Recently, I've been seeing a lot of off-the-hook marriage proposals. I mean, the latest one I saw was one where the guy made a movie and played it in the local cinema. I even heard about a proposal during a basketball game. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was cute and I said a long awwwwwww to it, but whenever I think about my ideal marriage proposal...nothing that colorful comes up. Here's what mine looks like.

We are at dinner in a really fancy place that we never eat at, talking and laughing like we always do and then while we're waiting for desert or something, he places the open ring box in front of me and asks me to marry him.

No kneeling, just a heart felt two lined speech. It might be nice for him to ask the band to play our song just when he's asking.

Nice and simple.

I don't know if I want this because I don't have a creative bone in my body, or because I simply want a quiet proposal that I can actually consider carefully without the pressure of so many eyes on me.

To be honest, every time I see a huge proposal, I always wonder if deep down she wanted to say no. If everyone is looking at her with so much expectation, it would take a very gutsy woman to say no or even 'can we talk about this later?' And the thought makes me cringe.

Then again I think about it and I figure he wouldn't go through all that trouble unless he's sure right?

Obviously, I don't want whoever my boyfriend at the time is to search this post out and read it just so he knows what I want. I'd like his creative side to kick in, just not in a huge way. I guess if he's gonna ask me to marry him, he'd probably knows my opinion on things like this. I hope.

Just my 2 kobo

Honey

xx