Locked up

Wow, my birthday passed last month and I didnt even blog about it. Probably because I wasn't so excited about it, but whatever... Just so y'all know I'm finally legal in Canada.
Not that it changes anything anyway, I mean, I do the same things I used to do the same way I did them...I just hope that doesnt signify anything terribly bad :S

I deleted this post almost 5 times and each time, I wrote it out in a different method...well this is the approach I stuck to. Its just the way it is...sanitized but undiluted.

How do you decide whether you need something or you just want it?
How can you tell whether its worth the risk or its a big mistake?
How can you choose between the one you can talk to or the one you can love?
How do you see if you are alone on that page or if they complete the sentence?

What do you do when something keeps overflowing, no matter how tightly you put the lid on?
What do you do when it becomes so difficult to keep it buried when its bubbling around the surface?
What do you do when you cant lie to yourself anymore but telling the truth is way out of line?
What do you say when everyone else sees it but looking at it too will hurt so bad?

There really isn't any choice to be made or decision to be taken.
Keep it locked up, it cant afford to come out.
Keep it hidden, no one should see it.
Keep it buried, it needs to die
Then maybe soon it'll seize to exist, out of sight and out of mind...or isn't that what the philosophers claim?

downcast Honey
xx

Oh and by the way, if you haven't watched 'Shutter Island' I suggest you see it very soon. If you're not into confusing movies you may not like it though...but I thought it was a really good movie.

Good bye winter...

Disclaimer: I reread this post and realised that many probably wont understand what I'm on about. It's all just different strands of thought in my head...

I was walking home this morning when I noticed how the colours seemed to be coming back...
It was still as chilly as ever,
but I could see some green and brown in the grass, it wasnt all white anymore...
Winter seems to be packing its bag,
February is almost over,
Spring break draws closer

In my heart and in my mind, its a lot different...
winter isnt going, in fact its still very much around,
the dull, gloomy feeling,
the grey atmosphere,
the ice in the air...(yes, ice in the air)

I feel so lost, my sense of good or bad becomes misty
I have no direction anymore and its not just affecting me, its messing me up.
Nothing feels logical anymore and I search for something that might eist only in my mind..
Or maybe I'm just looking in the wrong place or maybe I'm searching the wrong way...

When will I stop being so confused?
when will things follow the proper order that they should?
and if never, when will I adapt to it?

I'm tired of this winter, no not the season..ok maybe a little
but I'm sick of the one that exists in my mind..
the one that froze friendship,
and hid the light of love,
The one that dulled right and wrong,
and covered guilt up with grey...

I'm ready for rejuvenation, I'm ready for spring

tired Honey
xx