Untitled...

...This morning, as my teacher droned on in class about goodness knows what, I found myself staring out the window and millions of things passed through my mind.

...The first thing I thought about was what a beautiful day it was. It struck me as ironic because when I left my house earlier it was so cold that I had to wear gloves. I also thought about how deceptive the sky looked. It was so bright and sunny yet the people on the streets where suited up with scarves,jackets, boots and shoved the palms deep into their pockets. smh...at least we can appreciate its beauty even if its hard to be thankful for the temperature

I thought about how I spent my thanksgiving weekend and how it caused friction between a really good friend and I. Its funny how a huge country like Canada, can seem so small when it comes to the way info travels.
Its funny how a whole month of not talking to a friend isnt so bad but a few days of quarrelling with that friend(and not talking) seems terrible.
Its funny how it hurts when a good friend tells you he doesnt care anymore just when you need to hear that he cares.
Its funny how you try to defend yourself and you almost convince yourself, but deep down, you know he has a right to give up on you.
Its funny how you come up with different apologies but none sounds good enough...
Its funny how you think up different scenarios as to how he'll come and apologise for not caring, when you know for real that it aint gonna happen...
at least you have someone up there that can take your BS even if nooneelse is patient enough...

I thought about how close my exams are...
I thought about all my different strategies to studying...I know if I could actually do those things, there's nothing to stop me from doing well...
its funny how you know the right thing to do, and doing it aint so hard...but you dont do it anyway...
Its funny how you see bad things coming, and you can stop it....you try a little, but not hard enough...and you know that you didn't try hard enough....
At least, you know what's right...its never to late to do it..

I thought about how good it felt to be tipsy...I got tipsy for the first time last week...
Knowing what you're doing but not caring...
Talking to people you would never have spoken to in your right state of mind....
Trying to prove to everyone that you're perfectly normal but in actual fact you're frigging happy...about absolutely nothing!
Its funny how you judge so many things until you try them and find out how much fun they are...(I don't plan on doing it again)
....at least I know how it feels, I know not to jugde people about things without trying it out...in other words not to judge...

I thought about my crush on an Asian boy...lol..I swear, this guy lookes like Chuck Bass in gossip girl....this dude is sooooo cute...I'm not even lying...
He told me that he is from Hong Kong, I still don't know where that is. I'll try and check it out today....
Its funny how short crushes last....
Its funny how they end over the silliest things....then again, they usually start over the silliest things...
Its funny how nice it feels to just crush over someone and not get anything in return yet not be bothered by it....
At least, it gives you a break form the stress of school and a relationship...not that I would know how that is..its been so long.....(I'm not complaining)


....I could go on and on about the things that went through my mind in a 50 minute class; how scanty the-guy-sitting-infront-of-me's hair was, how cute my T.A was, how geeky the people in my class are, whether to walk home or take the bus.....very random stuff....but that's just how it is...we aren't always cool...there's a time for random thoughts...you feel me??

...any dream interpreters on blogsville????

Before I go into the dream, I need to get this off my chest...I feel like I'm gonna explode soon. And the worst part is that it is completely UNNECESSARY!

This afternoon, I watched a video posted by a student in my former school. The beginning of the video was a little random. It had nothing to do with the main aim of the video but that was actually what caught my eye and put me in this shocked state.

And like I said it doesn't make sense.

I saw my....well, formerfriendwithbenefits. There, I said it. Nothing to be ashamed of. But there was this...gIrl....sitting on his lap in the video.

And that made me mad. Can you imagine?? urgh!!!!!!

I feel so angry right now!



with me-for being a dumb mofo...whats my business with what he does? Afterall I ended what we had 'cause it didnt make sense to keep the poor boy on lockdown when it wasn't a relationship,especially since I was going away....

with him- for leaning over the girl and doing that playful thing he used to do with me, with her!

urrghh!

with myself again-for noticing that...

with the stupid girl-for sitting on his lap,...for goodness sake there were chairs all over the bloody room!!!



Like I know I shouldn't even be bothered, trust me I know. I give that sort of advice to my friends. But why they heck is this bothering me so bad?

I mean, I know we've been through a lot. I'm so used to him, I could spot him in crowd of 10000 Nigerians....scratch that...10 million! I even know his style of dressing. That's how I spotted him in the video at first.But thats no reason for me to care!

...or maybe its because he promised to come to my crib for thanksgiving...and he wasnt coming to take math lessons....darn I hate myself right now!



Anyways, now to saner issues.

I've never lived in boarding school before. That was one of the arguments I used to convince my father to let me stay off campus. I told him that if I had never lived like that before, then it wouldnt make sense for me to live there now at the most critical time of my life.

Yes o, that's what I said about first year uni...little did I know how right I was.

Well, last night, I dreamt that my father sent me to my villa to school! As in, seriously, my villa in anambra state. It didnt look like it, but you know how in a dream you just know where you are even if it doesn't look like it.

I step into the house. It was very quiet. There were some very ugly looking beds all over the house-upstairs and downstairs. Somehow, I knew that it was the residense where I was going to live. After a while, some girls came in. They kinda acted hostile towards me, but I didnt understand that at the time.

Then my dad called me outside so I excused myself and I walked out to answer him. And the girls started saying things like 'go, you cant stay here'. I actually thought they were being nice and understood that I wouldnt fit in with them, but then I realised that they were saying it spitefully.



Thats all I can remember though. Does that make any sense to anyone?



BTW!!!

I think I know why little video incident bothered me so much.

A few days after he said he was coming for thanksgiving, we were talking and he sent me a song. I was so touched that I was gonna blog about it. It describes almost everything we've gone through. I was too busy though....but I guess that's what I get for not blogging about stuff.

Sue me for not knowing how to upload a darn video!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3PMV6aBYlg&feature=related...anyhoo after i saw the video he said 'dont let me go'...

Now that I think about it, maybe I'm just vexing for no reason...she was just sitting on his leg right?...
wrong!..
That just pissed me off again.