First up, I wanna say thank you to Fierce for the 2010 award above and O have decided to pass this award to the following bloggersLa pimpette-for blogging about real life issues that we seem to ignore
Azazel-for having the ability to piss the hell outta me and make me think at the same time
Myne-for the most interactive blog i know
David-because i miss him and his stories
and Iphyibogirl-she always makes me laugh ...
Now to me,
I think my past might be catching up with me and I am scared as hell about it.
There comes a moment in everyone's life where they start saying things they don't mean. I guess thats a fancy way of saying lying but I mean a more selfless kind of lie. A lie that you tell to make people around you feel better about themselves. Or at least thats what you think...
I mean, you lie because you want someonelse to feel good but turn that around a little and you're lying because you dont want them to think bad of you...
I've done that more times than I can count and it doesnt seem to ever end well. Simply because I cant continue lying for too long and then I end up running into exactly what I was trying to avoid, the person thinking bad about me.
Even the ones you say that are half true, the people believe them while you comfort yourself that you didnt lie, when in truth you did...or at least made someone believe a lie....it always comes back to hunt you...
Now I think I may have lied so much about my feelings that I dont even know the truth anymore...I'm not sure about it, and thats very scary because I feel like every lie I've told and everything I've done maybe blowing up in my face preety soon...
I made up my mind that I was going to strengthen my relationship with God this year.
Earlier today, I got a message and I was already forming the instant reply when I realised that I wasn't sure that everything in my reply was going to be true...
I mean, this reply I was forming had been sent to other people at different times with different wordings but the same content.
Now, I'm confused because I don't know if I'm lying to all of them, or if I'm telling the truth....I thing I've lost the ability to tell the difference and that scares me a lot!
.......Lord help!
Confused Honey
xx
