My Origami rose

Dear diary..

Its been sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long. But I wont waste half this post explaining why I've been MIA, there really is no point.

To be perfectly honest, I have no excuses that's why I wont even bother. I have missed you though :)

My origami rose was a project that I worked on for at least a whole month and I was drawn back to my 'diary' after I was successful. So here I am.

Anyways, when I first started my co-op job in September, I came across a lotta hand made flowers and I got really interested in them. Being me, I forgot totally about them until half way through the term, and then I got totally obsessed.

I learnt via a youtube video that I musta paused and replayed over twenty times until I got it. When I did, I made so many and displayed them in my little cubicle...I even made one for my colleague and I got kinda popular because of it.

My point isn't directly aimed at the origami roses that I made as much as it is the effort that I put to learning how to make them.

After I learnt, I kinda figured that if could do that, considering how bad I am with my hands (believe me I'm terrible), I can do whatever it is that I set my heart to.

So you see, me learning how to make an origami rose didn't just make me popular at work, it motivated me. And to be honest, I think I'm ready to take on the new year.

Of course even though I still have to go over a couple of resolutions and what I achieved and what I didn't achieve, I have my main motto...and that's what's important...well most important.

You can do whatever it is that you set your heart to.

Ps- #Justsaying Just because you always break your resolutions before January is over doesn't mean you shouldn't still make them. Just add keeping your resolutions for at least 2 months to one of your resolutions.

Pps- I'm gonna stop by my fav blogs tonight unfailingly...I missed them so much!!

ppps-- sorry..lol..this really isnt my rose, I couldn't take picture of mine so I figured I'd just show you what mine looked like.

Anyways, my boyfriend's texting... gotta go :)

MIA honey

xx

btw...

So this semester has been the most hectic of all!!
oh pshhh I've only had 2 semesters, but I've still got to complain!

Starting this term thinking it was going to be a breeze was a really bad idea, now, I think I know what it means to really be in Uni and I honestly hope that I'll come out great by the end.

I haven't got much on my mind except school but can anyone really blame me for that?

One nigga decided to call me while I was studying. Unfortunately, I didnt answer with my usual cheery voice, and he complained about it. Its not like I didnt want to talk to him, its just that he wasnt among the top 10 ... or even 20 people I wouldnt mind speaking to when I'm trying to study!

The convo dulled me sha, but that wasnt his fault... I really didnt have his time.
(I started out the last paragraph wanting to bitch about the guy, but then I changed my mind cus it really wasnt his fault that he called at a bad time)

That being said, I absolutely cannot wait til this semester is over!

BTW Happy birthday to my housemate!!

I think someone wrote 'HB' on her fb wall for her birthday...imagine!
I found her response to that very hilarious, (I was soo tempted to write it on her wall just to be mischievous...but then I thought it over...)

BBl
busy honey
xx

Pheew...

Don't ask me why I used that title because I honestly don't know. All I know is that's how I felt when I opened my dashboard.

So the boyfriend left town last night, for a month.
Me - I was devastated.
He's one of the few friends I have after living here for over 8 months (I know what you're thinking...Dont say it!). Let me also add that he's my best friend too.

As much as I'm gonna miss him terribly, I think its a good thing..well sort of.
We've become inseparable.
Since most of my friends are either too far away to notice that I don't bug them as much as I used to...or are too busy to notice, I've gotten away with it.
The only one suffering is me.
And I enjoy it too much to care.

I'm sure we'll work that out.
I miss him already though.

Btw I'm in a really good mood and I have a really good feeling about something.
So help me God
#okbye
ps- back on twitter...in and out still...but back anyway

Honey
xx

Twitterific...or no

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

That's my quote of the day or week... or whatever. I got that from a 'Joke of the day' email.
Blogging twice in a week...for which life?

Anyways, I decided that I'm gonna give up twitter...not close my account, just not sign in except I get a DM that I have to reply and can only do so on twitter.

I came to this decision because I realized that I've become more judgmental than I've ever been and seriously, its not even worth it. So I'm quitting twitter...at least for awhile (which reminds me, I need to call a friend...smh Twitter has replaced my phone calls)
Another inspiration was my devotional this afternoon.

I got this chapter/verse; Ephesians 4:31,32 (That's right, go and get your bibles,if you're not christian, check online bibles...I would check a Qu'ran if you told me to :))

Tell me how I'm thinking in class about who I've become and then I get a scripture telling me pretty much the same thing?

#movingon

Some chics get liver oh...
My calc prof came into class a few minutes early as usual and started scribbling stuff on the board. Of course everyone was still chatting until he started tapping..and then the class became silent. All except this girl who stood in the front row, talking animatedly with her friend. The prof walks over and taps her, but this girl looks at her wrist watch, pauses for a few seconds and says
'Now you can start, it wasn't time yet'
You know the feeling when trouble is about to burst and you're just waiting for it...well that's what the rest of the class was feeling because the class went as silent as...I don't know what.
The prof obviously didn't have her time, all he said was
'Are you judge me?'
which I found funny sha... I get this feeling that Nigerians are the only ones that flinch at 'tabons'..

Oh well, that's what's been happening to me today

Honey
xx

The things you keep inside...

I have a glass of water.

I put a pinch of salt in.

That seems too small...

It wont make a noticeable difference.

So I pour half a jar in.

Now, I can taste the salt...

But I still cant see it

So I empty the jar in the glass.

Now, I can see the salt.

Some are dissolved

But the rest settles at the bottom

That

is saturation...

The salt cant be dissolved anymore and thats when you let it all out.


saturated Honey
xx

Help!

I feel like I'm slacking.

It started out all well and good but next thing I know, one thing went wrong.
Then another...and another.
Two weeks into it and I feel like I'm gonna crash soon.
And I'm scared.

I know the right things to do. I know what I need to stop doing.
I even know how I to do what I should.
But I cant.

Not because I am unable to, but because I've got no drive to do it.
Seriously, I know why I should do the right thing, I've met a lot of scape goats.
But the urge still doesnt come.

Why would anyone see smoke and run towards it?
Why would anyone hear of thieves and leave their doors open?
Why would anyone close their eyes to cross a road?

Cant relate?
Why would I see what's happening and still push blindly ahead?


I need a change, and I need one fast.
'Til then, so help me God

defeated honey
xx

Dont wanna be right

I hate being right.

OK not really, but sometimes I just can't afford to be right, I don't want to be! And those are the times I tend to be right... to the letter.

So now that I'm right, what should I do about it?
That's the question.
Since I thought of this before it happened, I should have a plan right?...wrong!
I don't. And since I don't have a plan, I wing it, and I mess up a little.

It doesn't seem to matter. They don't seem to notice, or maybe they just don't care.
That's fine, this too will pass, wont it?
But with every time I'm right, its like a stake to this,this...whatever the hell this is. And every thrust murders it slowly.
Then again, what do they care? They don't even notice.

Ever prayed a silent one...
Begging with everything inside you...
To be wrong?


Right Honey
xx

To listen or not to...

So Ive been down with a flu for the past few days. It's been so terrible I started asking 'why me?'.
Not that if this was some sort of punishment I wont deserve it...

Anyways, since I hate going to hospitals and I didnt even have the strength to anyway, I googled 'what to do when I have a flu'. One of the first things I saw was to drink a lot of Orange products and rest as much as possible.
The thing is I also read to take a warm shower, dress warm and sleep warm..i.e wrap myself in a duvet.
And that was quite confusing for me because whenever I had these symptoms when growing up, my parents gave me a cold shower and instructed me not to cover myself!

Now, I've known my parents all my life but this dude that wrote this post claims to be a medical professional but I've never met him. So whose advice do I take?
I mean, anyone can say they know what they're saying and post something on the internet, matter of fact, my father could have done that too.

While I was thinking about this, as usual, my mind travelled a little far and I realised that this could apply to our lives as well.

A lot of people tend to take into more consideration what people they dont know say, and pay less attention to what people close to them say.
And I'm wandering if this is something psychological because honestly, I do it too.

I think maybe its because you know they'll always be there to repeat their advice...or maybe its just our human nature to be defiant, even when it unnecessary.
I have this friend that just wont listen to me, I tell him something he ingores me, someone he doesnt talk to, tells him the same thing and he does it immediately...he acts like that so much that I'm past feeling hurt about it.

Anyways, whatever the explanation for that behaviour is (because I'm sure there's one), I hope I come to understand it soon.
I wont tell you whose advice I took, but I will tell you that I feel a lot better, thank you very much.

That aside, I recently watched 'The princess and the Frog' and I thought it was really good. I find that for a lot of animations, you need to sorta psyche yourself and assume the childish mentality to fully enjoy it. I didnt have to do that for this film, so I think you guys would really enjoy it. Plus Neyo's song at the end was lovely :)

Almostwell Honey
xx

Locked up

Wow, my birthday passed last month and I didnt even blog about it. Probably because I wasn't so excited about it, but whatever... Just so y'all know I'm finally legal in Canada.
Not that it changes anything anyway, I mean, I do the same things I used to do the same way I did them...I just hope that doesnt signify anything terribly bad :S

I deleted this post almost 5 times and each time, I wrote it out in a different method...well this is the approach I stuck to. Its just the way it is...sanitized but undiluted.

How do you decide whether you need something or you just want it?
How can you tell whether its worth the risk or its a big mistake?
How can you choose between the one you can talk to or the one you can love?
How do you see if you are alone on that page or if they complete the sentence?

What do you do when something keeps overflowing, no matter how tightly you put the lid on?
What do you do when it becomes so difficult to keep it buried when its bubbling around the surface?
What do you do when you cant lie to yourself anymore but telling the truth is way out of line?
What do you say when everyone else sees it but looking at it too will hurt so bad?

There really isn't any choice to be made or decision to be taken.
Keep it locked up, it cant afford to come out.
Keep it hidden, no one should see it.
Keep it buried, it needs to die
Then maybe soon it'll seize to exist, out of sight and out of mind...or isn't that what the philosophers claim?

downcast Honey
xx

Oh and by the way, if you haven't watched 'Shutter Island' I suggest you see it very soon. If you're not into confusing movies you may not like it though...but I thought it was a really good movie.

Good bye winter...

Disclaimer: I reread this post and realised that many probably wont understand what I'm on about. It's all just different strands of thought in my head...

I was walking home this morning when I noticed how the colours seemed to be coming back...
It was still as chilly as ever,
but I could see some green and brown in the grass, it wasnt all white anymore...
Winter seems to be packing its bag,
February is almost over,
Spring break draws closer

In my heart and in my mind, its a lot different...
winter isnt going, in fact its still very much around,
the dull, gloomy feeling,
the grey atmosphere,
the ice in the air...(yes, ice in the air)

I feel so lost, my sense of good or bad becomes misty
I have no direction anymore and its not just affecting me, its messing me up.
Nothing feels logical anymore and I search for something that might eist only in my mind..
Or maybe I'm just looking in the wrong place or maybe I'm searching the wrong way...

When will I stop being so confused?
when will things follow the proper order that they should?
and if never, when will I adapt to it?

I'm tired of this winter, no not the season..ok maybe a little
but I'm sick of the one that exists in my mind..
the one that froze friendship,
and hid the light of love,
The one that dulled right and wrong,
and covered guilt up with grey...

I'm ready for rejuvenation, I'm ready for spring

tired Honey
xx

Black or White....

Lately, I've been faced with people going all indirect on me and truth be told it gets a little frustrating!

So I was just thinking about how people go round and round in circles when they try to talk, rather than coming out straight with it...

Like how guys just don't go directly to te a girl that he likes her, instead he chykes her and when he's almost sure that he's in good standing he lets her know whats up...

Or how some girls (including me) just dont say what's on their mind, instead they try to drop subtle, obvious, and pinch-your-arm duh hints.


I was also thinking of how we try to twist things around to suit us and what we want...

Like how something is obviously wrong, but we make excuses for it just so it seems almost right

Or how when giving an account of something that happened to us, we make ourselves look like the hero.


Since I love to complain and I'm actually working on curbing that bad attitude, I decided to look at it from another angle.

So I thought of how life would be without these indirectives.

No sarcasm - makes the convo a little less interesting.

Direct talk- getting a chic will be hard oh, and #maygetyouslapped

No hints- At least you wont vex that your boyfriend doesnt understand you...

wrong/right- well at least we know whats what, but it sucks the fun outta life doesnt it?

Gist- You dont get to be a hero, in fact you just might be the bad guy!


In other words, we can do without them, but life wont just be life anymore..

Cus life isnt straight, it bends in a few places and curves around others...
Life isnt a 1950's movie it has a bit of green, some yellow and a little red...
And life isnt a hollywood movie, the bad guy doesnt always get caught

So to people like me who would love a black or white life, sorry, but life is colourful, 3 words:

Deal with it.

Honey
xx

Haunting Pasts...

First up, I wanna say thank you to Fierce for the 2010 award above and O have decided to pass this award to the following bloggers
La pimpette-for blogging about real life issues that we seem to ignore
Azazel-for having the ability to piss the hell outta me and make me think at the same time
Myne-for the most interactive blog i know
David-because i miss him and his stories
and Iphyibogirl-she always makes me laugh ...

Now to me,
I think my past might be catching up with me and I am scared as hell about it.
There comes a moment in everyone's life where they start saying things they don't mean. I guess thats a fancy way of saying lying but I mean a more selfless kind of lie. A lie that you tell to make people around you feel better about themselves. Or at least thats what you think...
I mean, you lie because you want someonelse to feel good but turn that around a little and you're lying because you dont want them to think bad of you...
I've done that more times than I can count and it doesnt seem to ever end well. Simply because I cant continue lying for too long and then I end up running into exactly what I was trying to avoid, the person thinking bad about me.
Even the ones you say that are half true, the people believe them while you comfort yourself that you didnt lie, when in truth you did...or at least made someone believe a lie....it always comes back to hunt you...
Now I think I may have lied so much about my feelings that I dont even know the truth anymore...I'm not sure about it, and thats very scary because I feel like every lie I've told and everything I've done maybe blowing up in my face preety soon...

I made up my mind that I was going to strengthen my relationship with God this year.
Earlier today, I got a message and I was already forming the instant reply when I realised that I wasn't sure that everything in my reply was going to be true...
I mean, this reply I was forming had been sent to other people at different times with different wordings but the same content.
Now, I'm confused because I don't know if I'm lying to all of them, or if I'm telling the truth....I thing I've lost the ability to tell the difference and that scares me a lot!
.......Lord help!

Confused Honey
xx