Catching up....

So I've been thinking about how guys turn girls heads when they send them songs.

For example, one bright and beautiful morning, I was chatting with one of my man-friends and he was giving me some of the usual 'I miss you' BS. And then he decided to send me 'Don't let me go' by the Fray. I'll come back to that story later...

Fierce wrote a lovely poem, unfortunately I couldn't comment on it for some wierd reason. I actually got my name on a poem...yay me! ok so it wasnt really my name but still-thank you so much Fierce, it was a fantastic christmas present.

O yeah- I know how to do the link thing now!

So back to my talk. Anyways, since then I got addicted to song and I found myself humming at odd times. I also found myself listening attentively to the song and imagining that he actually meant every word. Wandering if it was actually possible that he did, and almost convincing myself that he loved me and we were meant to be.
Note: I used the word love, yes love...

That's just one song that I got addicted to simply because a boy I liked sent it to me.

My roomate told me about how her fav song became her worst because her old roomate got the song from her boyfriend and wouldnt stop playing it!
....does 'breathless' by Shayne Ward ring any bells? It was the ultimate love song back in the day.

I'll bet the chic had her head in clouds daydreaming of her boyfriend singing the song to her, probably holding her close and whispering the lyrics and blah blah blah...
smh...maybe he meant it, maybe he didnt...

So my question is when guys send songs to chics, what is the motive?
I mean, what are they getting at? I don't want to get a song and then be thinking that I should give the guy a chance, when he's actually just dusting...you feel me?

Meanwhile, I have a new crush!! Not me crushing, this little boy I'm staying with for the christmas is totally crushing on me and I think its soooo adorable! It certainly is refreshing from the male issues I had before the hols started.
It was sealed when I built his race car set for him and played with him...hehe, you would think a 4 year old boy doesn't know a thing about snuggling up to a girl.....
Very different from the truants I stayed with last holiday and not just because this one has a crush on me....ok maybe a little...

Anyways, I've been having a fabulous holiday so far, I hope everyoneelse has too...
Somethingelse was on my mind but I cant remember...o well...watever....

Take care guys, Merry Christmas again!
xx

....I'm done.

Yeah, so I did't get heart broken today, I just got heart stumped.
Its all my fault anyway, I sould have listened to the sayings of a certain wise old man. Funny who you think of when you have issues. I guess old habits die hard...
I mean that in more ways than one.

Moving on after a break up isn't the hard part. It's getting over the ex that is the difficult part.

After you've gotten all nice and rosy with your new guy, the old one pops back up and so do old feelings. And if you're going to go with that follow your heart BS, you'll get back with the old guy.
A wise old man told me to be careful, I didn't listen but now I understand.

Sometimes, the only old feelings that pop up are yours, sometimes the other party's feelings are just for old times sake. And then you realise, you broke someone's heart and designed the boots that stumped on yours.

Half trust sucks.
Definition: the feeling that you truly trust something but believe the first bad thing you hear about it.
Now, if you give him benefit of doubt you maybe delusional...but if you end it, that maybe you being too cynical.

I'm tired of not trusting people or half trusting them
I'm tired of trying to second guess poeple just because I don't wanna be hurt
I'm tired because none of it is worth it. Life shouldn't be this complicated.
I'm giving it all up, I'm starting over with everything.
I'm gonna live life in the most simple way that I know how...
No complications, just living a free life..
Its over, and I'm done...

Phew, I feel better all ready...

xx
Honey

yay me!!!!

First off....
I forgive Chris Brown....I'm in love with him all over again...
I guess I should remember he's human and he probably did the 'horrible deed' out of frustration....or whatever.
But that's not why I forgive him, he did a ustream today and even though I missed it narrowly, I'm glad that he made a little comeback like that. I'm actually proud of him!

Second, I got Myne Whitman's E-book!!!!
Double yay me!!!
This is the point where I would have put a link to her blog, but I dont know how to do that. Therefore, it is my mission this holiday to find out how to....except ofcourse someone wants to teach me...which I would appreciate....very much.
My other mission is to read Myne Whitman's book....yay me....again!!
yes that's right...I won the book...from being the first comment(o/e)r on Spesh's blog
I feel like doing that evil laughter right now...but that's not nice....
o well...I'll do it anyway..muahahahaha :>

Far be it from me to write a post that's only a paragraph long....deal with it...(evil laughter)...wonder why I'm feeling so evil today...smh
Anyways, I wrote my thrid exam today, I can only say thank God...
I have another exam that I should be studying for...but its one of those subjects that I don't just breeze through and understand....
I mean, the other day I studied the subject for only one hour and I had a major headache<---not funny!
Well, Lord help me on this one...you helped me in the ones before...(clasped fingers, on my knees...well in my mind though) Amen!

So I'll go and try to study now but before I go...let me remind y'all that its Merry Christmas with a capital C, not happy holidays or happy xmas...its small but it makes a huge difference...I will most definitely be back before Christmas day..

Honey
xx

tick tock til the end of the semester....

First off...I'm so pissed at Christopher Maurice Brown right now!
How can he delete his account? Doesn't the nigga have any sense?!
Being on twitter was doing his ass some good...but nooooo he went and deleted his account like a pussy that I know he isn't! I'd like a very good explanation for his making a dumb ass move like that!
That aside,
I've got two exams until the end of my first semester in UW. Sadly. the only friend I made in my year isn't gonna be in my class anymore. Matter of fact, we're gonna been in school at separate times for the next 5 years so there's a good chance we won't be running into each other..<-----sucks big time!
I know, I know...we can always meet up and talk..blah blah blah...but it just isnt the same....we won't have any class tests to talk about....or assignments ...or....
yep...it does suck!

My first semester in UW:
I remember frosh week. I think that was the first time I saw so many different people from many different cultures and countries...who looked so different but had the same feelings as me...excitement!
I remember the first day of frosh week, I was supposed to get a frosh band from the Student life centre. The line was so effing long. So this asian chic started a convo with me. I cant remember her name, but I remember wishing I had her liver ( seriously, I cant just start talking to someone I have never seen before).
We were divided into different groups. I was in red team...SPARTA!
I remember feeling very ridiculous while screaming cheers for the team during some of our activities.
One of our cheers went
'Who are we?'
'we are sparta!'
'and what is our proffession?'
' we scrub boards....boards boards boards!!'

Insane right?...tell me about it! It was pointless but it was good times....before the real work began.
I'm ashamed to say I never actually spoke to anyone from my group, except this one girl, who actually spoke to me first.
She's the only person that I remember, apart from her,this really cute half black guy. And I didn't talk to him...or even find out his name for that matter.
For some reason, he's the only one from frosh week that I still see....maybe fate....or not.

Fast forward to when classes started. Nothing special went on but I did have the greatest set of professors. I can only thank God for that.
For the first week of classes, I observed my class from my regular back corner. Ok not for the first week...actually most of the term.

Anyways, due to boredom from not having any friends to sidetalk to during classes, I took to assigning some of my classmates different characters and it was a little bit of fun!

There was a chuck bass....I think I wrote about him before...
There was also a serena....my classmate actually does look like her except without the blonde hair, my classmate version is a brunnette..
There's one that reminds me sooo much of my ex...my classmate is kinda cuter...but thats between me and you ...
There's a clark kent....omg he is soooo cute!...he even has the glasses...dayum!
Then there was an abercrombie model!..he was a hottie! Me thinks he is the sexiest engineering student I've seen. The way he wears his jeans, his jacket...he just has this swag......sigh....
whoelse?.....
RIGHT!
I try not to call people a nerd...simply because I know that its not a very nice adjective to use in defining anyone....besides I've been called that in the past...it doesnt bug me, but I can see it hurting someoneelse.
Thats not the point....there is this guy in my class that I just had to assign major geek to.
You know the cloak that superman wears...the red one innit?
Yup! This nigga wears a black one to class everyday!
Honestly, I don't get it. It now has this very funky symbol on the centre....
my opinion: geeky!
Theres the bad guy too...I've never seen a non-black guys checking my bootie out...but this one...I actually saw him...no jokes!... He's kinda cute sha....
Theres also a guy that reminds me of my dad. Sometimes I actually shiver from looking at him!

There's a lot more but I cant think of all of them now....
Thats what my first semester in uni has been about....not really memorable, but theres time for the unforgettable moments to take place...for now I'd rather just go slow...
I should also add that I've formed very new habits and lost some of them too...hannah montana, greek, charmed, gossip girl, vampire diaries (may I add that I think Damon is soooo cute...pity he's the bad one...but whatever)......

I look forward to my next semester... which is not gonna be until April.....
One of my friends told me to make it a priority to make 2 new friends next semester. And I'm gonna take his advice...if not I may end up labeling my classmates again!

PS- going to Calgary for Christmas....pray with me that it wont suck..:(
PPS- 2 exams down...2 to go!

xx
Honey

I despise...I hate....I absolutely cant stand!

First off, lemme say that my adidction with 'Hannah Montana' has been cured....by 'Greek'. Its another series that focuses on 3 people in a crazy college world where sororities and frats govern their lives-their relationships, their academics..and basically everything that matters to them.

So this nigga kept me awake last night and I kept reminding him that I had early morning classes, he's one of those niggas that will vex if you sleep off on the phone (not like I won't vex o...but he'll overdo the vexing) anyways, I made him promise to wake me up. Well, he buzzed me 4 hours later than I told him to and apologised...I'm not mad but I'm certainly not impressed, hence the post.

First, I hate it when I walk into a restaurant and order my food and then I realise that I cant pay with my debit card....and I dont have cash! That freaks me out....I don't like getting embarassed over money issues, I hate having to say 'I'll pay you back'..I think its an igbo thing..or maybe its just a Gidi thing...

btw thats what they call Naija these days o...I think its kinda fresh sha...so I'm using it...

I hate it when I hang out with a guy for the day and he tries to break rules like use an expired transfer on the bus or skip a line or something!...I know its random but I don't like it!...I just feel the nigga should try to step up now, I mean, he's tryna chyke me and he's doing stuff like that..smh....it turns me off!

I hate it when I go out with a guy for dinner or lunch and he starts complaining about the restaurant or tryna prove levels for the waiter...give me a break!...You wanna impress me?...try something else...complaining sucks big!

I hate it when a dude flatters me unnecessarily, I know you don't mean it, you know you don't mean it...so who the heck are you deceiving here? Please spare me the BS...I can do without it.

I hate it when people try to prove that they are something and a simple, obvious test proves them wrong! I mean, come on....it was so simple even if you passed it, I would've disregarded that.

I hate it when I'm staring at you online and you're probably doing the same thing,then I buzz you and you tell me I forgot about you. Seriously?....who buzzed who?

I hate it when I didn't buzz you for 2 weeks and you don't buzz me either...and you give me the I-forgot-about-you BS. kmt...well, it took you 2 weeks to remember me didnt it? so why are you complaining?

I hate it when you compose a paragraph of BS to apologise to me and you get angry when I don't forgive you. I haven't forgiven you because its so obvious that you don't mean it!

I hate it when you make simple promises and I have to remind you to keep them...you didn't have to say anything, I would've been fine all the same.

I hate it when I put so much into being with you, and all I get is disappointment. You beg me to stay but I cant take it much longer...

I hate it when I make you the most important thing to me and you leave me hanging for someone that couldn't possibly care less about you... wake up and see what's in front of you

I hate it when the only time you come to me is when you've got a problem and you need advice, what the hell do you think I am... a freaking shrink?!

I hate it when we go out and we act like we dont know each other, what the heck are we hiding...and from who???

I hate it when we get to the point where our chat is the regular hi-whatsup-ok-bye thing....if you dont wanna talk to me, dont buzz...if I buzzed you then dont reply! I can take a hint

I hate it when I walk past a building and all I can think of is the last time we were there together, what we did, the things we said.....

I hate it that everything I write on this blog is always somehow related to you...

Times up hun, you need to leave my mind now!

xx

hello twitter..

I finally joined twitter this week...yup
After my roomie made me feel so jealous going on and on about trendy topics and what Chris Brown was tweeting and Trey Songs and blah blah blah...You get the point sha...The heights was when 'I invented sex' came out and only twitter people could see it...O boy, I was burnt!

So I've added twitter to my addictions...btw...lemme just get this out...Hannah Montana is a new addiction as well. I watched from season 1 and now I'm in season 3.....don't judge me people, I needed a bad habit.
Anyways, I'm guessing twitter is a lotta fun when a lot of your close friends follow you and you follow them right? Well, after I signed up for twitter, I realised that there weren't up to 10 people I could actually gist with on twitter. I just sat staring at my laptop, trying to think of who to tell that I was on twitter, but I couldn't think of many. I felt kinda bad about that 'cause it made me realise how cut off from my friends I've become.
On one occassion, a very close friend asked me how many real friends I had...and I was stuck. I just couldn't say anything...
It's unfortunate that this person isn't my friend anymore...that's a story for another day...I haven't come to terms with it yet. I'm still hoping he'll buzz me one day and ask to start over...I would certainly love that.

So Friday's here again...unlike old me..I didn't go partying, or to the movies...I went to church...and I enjoyed it.
Ok actually, it was movie night in church so I guess technically I lied 'cause I actually went to the movies right?
The little boy in the striped pajamas
That's the title of the movie we saw...trust me the title says a lot about the movie...but at the same time, it doesn't say much...I can't do a proper review on the movie 'cause I wouldn't quite cover it...I will say, however, that its a great movie and worth every minute of the 2 hours you spend watching it.
Btw, any advice on how to pimp up ma twitter page will be highly appreciated.

ps- I should also mention that I'm having fun on twitter despite the friend issues....
pps-I think I wanna change my friends...get new ones you know, sorta the way you change a wardrobe...a friend makeover...except I don't know how to approach people...never been very good in making new friends..sigh...I need help...

Untitled...

...This morning, as my teacher droned on in class about goodness knows what, I found myself staring out the window and millions of things passed through my mind.

...The first thing I thought about was what a beautiful day it was. It struck me as ironic because when I left my house earlier it was so cold that I had to wear gloves. I also thought about how deceptive the sky looked. It was so bright and sunny yet the people on the streets where suited up with scarves,jackets, boots and shoved the palms deep into their pockets. smh...at least we can appreciate its beauty even if its hard to be thankful for the temperature

I thought about how I spent my thanksgiving weekend and how it caused friction between a really good friend and I. Its funny how a huge country like Canada, can seem so small when it comes to the way info travels.
Its funny how a whole month of not talking to a friend isnt so bad but a few days of quarrelling with that friend(and not talking) seems terrible.
Its funny how it hurts when a good friend tells you he doesnt care anymore just when you need to hear that he cares.
Its funny how you try to defend yourself and you almost convince yourself, but deep down, you know he has a right to give up on you.
Its funny how you come up with different apologies but none sounds good enough...
Its funny how you think up different scenarios as to how he'll come and apologise for not caring, when you know for real that it aint gonna happen...
at least you have someone up there that can take your BS even if nooneelse is patient enough...

I thought about how close my exams are...
I thought about all my different strategies to studying...I know if I could actually do those things, there's nothing to stop me from doing well...
its funny how you know the right thing to do, and doing it aint so hard...but you dont do it anyway...
Its funny how you see bad things coming, and you can stop it....you try a little, but not hard enough...and you know that you didn't try hard enough....
At least, you know what's right...its never to late to do it..

I thought about how good it felt to be tipsy...I got tipsy for the first time last week...
Knowing what you're doing but not caring...
Talking to people you would never have spoken to in your right state of mind....
Trying to prove to everyone that you're perfectly normal but in actual fact you're frigging happy...about absolutely nothing!
Its funny how you judge so many things until you try them and find out how much fun they are...(I don't plan on doing it again)
....at least I know how it feels, I know not to jugde people about things without trying it out...in other words not to judge...

I thought about my crush on an Asian boy...lol..I swear, this guy lookes like Chuck Bass in gossip girl....this dude is sooooo cute...I'm not even lying...
He told me that he is from Hong Kong, I still don't know where that is. I'll try and check it out today....
Its funny how short crushes last....
Its funny how they end over the silliest things....then again, they usually start over the silliest things...
Its funny how nice it feels to just crush over someone and not get anything in return yet not be bothered by it....
At least, it gives you a break form the stress of school and a relationship...not that I would know how that is..its been so long.....(I'm not complaining)


....I could go on and on about the things that went through my mind in a 50 minute class; how scanty the-guy-sitting-infront-of-me's hair was, how cute my T.A was, how geeky the people in my class are, whether to walk home or take the bus.....very random stuff....but that's just how it is...we aren't always cool...there's a time for random thoughts...you feel me??

...any dream interpreters on blogsville????

Before I go into the dream, I need to get this off my chest...I feel like I'm gonna explode soon. And the worst part is that it is completely UNNECESSARY!

This afternoon, I watched a video posted by a student in my former school. The beginning of the video was a little random. It had nothing to do with the main aim of the video but that was actually what caught my eye and put me in this shocked state.

And like I said it doesn't make sense.

I saw my....well, formerfriendwithbenefits. There, I said it. Nothing to be ashamed of. But there was this...gIrl....sitting on his lap in the video.

And that made me mad. Can you imagine?? urgh!!!!!!

I feel so angry right now!



with me-for being a dumb mofo...whats my business with what he does? Afterall I ended what we had 'cause it didnt make sense to keep the poor boy on lockdown when it wasn't a relationship,especially since I was going away....

with him- for leaning over the girl and doing that playful thing he used to do with me, with her!

urrghh!

with myself again-for noticing that...

with the stupid girl-for sitting on his lap,...for goodness sake there were chairs all over the bloody room!!!



Like I know I shouldn't even be bothered, trust me I know. I give that sort of advice to my friends. But why they heck is this bothering me so bad?

I mean, I know we've been through a lot. I'm so used to him, I could spot him in crowd of 10000 Nigerians....scratch that...10 million! I even know his style of dressing. That's how I spotted him in the video at first.But thats no reason for me to care!

...or maybe its because he promised to come to my crib for thanksgiving...and he wasnt coming to take math lessons....darn I hate myself right now!



Anyways, now to saner issues.

I've never lived in boarding school before. That was one of the arguments I used to convince my father to let me stay off campus. I told him that if I had never lived like that before, then it wouldnt make sense for me to live there now at the most critical time of my life.

Yes o, that's what I said about first year uni...little did I know how right I was.

Well, last night, I dreamt that my father sent me to my villa to school! As in, seriously, my villa in anambra state. It didnt look like it, but you know how in a dream you just know where you are even if it doesn't look like it.

I step into the house. It was very quiet. There were some very ugly looking beds all over the house-upstairs and downstairs. Somehow, I knew that it was the residense where I was going to live. After a while, some girls came in. They kinda acted hostile towards me, but I didnt understand that at the time.

Then my dad called me outside so I excused myself and I walked out to answer him. And the girls started saying things like 'go, you cant stay here'. I actually thought they were being nice and understood that I wouldnt fit in with them, but then I realised that they were saying it spitefully.



Thats all I can remember though. Does that make any sense to anyone?



BTW!!!

I think I know why little video incident bothered me so much.

A few days after he said he was coming for thanksgiving, we were talking and he sent me a song. I was so touched that I was gonna blog about it. It describes almost everything we've gone through. I was too busy though....but I guess that's what I get for not blogging about stuff.

Sue me for not knowing how to upload a darn video!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3PMV6aBYlg&feature=related...anyhoo after i saw the video he said 'dont let me go'...

Now that I think about it, maybe I'm just vexing for no reason...she was just sitting on his leg right?...
wrong!..
That just pissed me off again.

T G I F!!!!!

Cliche...but that's definitely what I felt when I woke up this morning.

I had been looking forward to Friday since Tuesday afternoon. I kept feeling like 'Today should be Friday, shouldn't it?'...

Basically, I've had a really stressful week...Survey assignment on Tuesday afternoon, under the sun...and Lord help me, I was wearing a black top....that made it even more unbearable...



Assignments that were posted first day of school and the responsibility of finding a job for my next semester's co-op program...



My mind has been working on overtime, especially since I haven't been able to get all my textbooks. Luckily, I'm getting them tomorow but you can imagine how I felt two days ago, having 5 assignments in 6 different textbooks all due next week...you can say that I didn't just want Friday, I needed it.



What better way to spend a Friday than with my roomie and her extremely cute male friend...I have got my eyes on him since we met (wink wink)...



So we watched 'All about Steven'.

Really cool movie. This has got to be the first movie that Sandra Bullock acted as a blonde...and boy o boy...she wasn't a very pleasant sight. The movie was great though. Fabulous acting and an unexpected end...I really enjoyed it and I'm glad I watched it.



I got one lesson from the movie too

" If you have to stalk him, then he probably isn't right for you"

I don't know why, but that really hit me...like I needed to hear that. So, I don't know what the lesson was for but when the time comes....I think I will.



So the movie was nice...but the journey home...hmmmnn

Considering it was a Friday night, all kinds of people were out. I think my roomie and I walked past 4 different parties on one residential road...

NB-not a club road o

It was kinda scary when these group of boys seemed to be tailing us. We ran into an apartment building, where we called a cab. Unfortunately, my roomie gave the cab the wrong address and we ended up walking home anyway...not so scary the next time...

Anyways, Im bouncing now...to prepare for another stress-filled day tomorow...but you know what, at least there was a break...So Thank God For Fridays!!!

xx

no I wasn't bored...

I missed you soooo much diary...ok, maybe it was just internet I missed generally.
I haven't written in ages.
I wasn't bored of blogsville. No, not that.
I was thrown back in time, when there was no such thing as internet.
Actually, not that either...but it was close.


Four days without internet and I've been complaining nonstop. What is this world turning into?
Where teenagers like me feel lost without their laptops, i-pods and phones....Lord help us.

So I finally moved into Waterloo a couple of days ago. Not so exciting right?
Here's the good part. I was moving into my own apartment...extrasuperliciously cool! Maybe not so much for some of you, but for someone that spent their whole life living with parents and being watched over by parent's friends, its a huge deal.

Well, thats kinda where the good part ends.
I moved into the house and discovered that there was no internet!
I felt like I had been thrown into dark ages...seriously...I almost went mad.
Apart from that, FROSH week just started.
In case you don't know, FROSH week is like an orientation week for freshmen.

Here, its like a military training and I'm not exaggerating....maybe a little...but still!!!
I'm in Engineering, and here in UW, it's a really huge deal.

So, we're running up and down in the sun like children, rolling in mud like its the greatest thing since shower gel,and making a fool of ourselves in front of these people called 'EDCOM'.

Apparently, they are the brightest and best of the engineering group in final year. Believe me, they are scary! They wear black shirts and military bottoms and have chains all around them. They have these extremely weird hairstyles (honestly, I haven't seen such hairdos before) and they were dark glasses.

FROSH week has been so stressful, so they decided to give us a break. A PARTY!!!!! That is so fantabulous, but guess what?

I have a bad headache, so I have to stay away. Can this week get any worse?...no?
Wrong!
yes it can.
I misplaced my watcard which is my school id and my bus pass. And when I get another one, I have to pay. I hate unnecessary spending!!

So that's where I am today. No party, no watcard and a mad headache. Lord, I need you!

Double birthdays!!!!

Yay!!!!

So two of my sweethearts have their birthdays today.

The first sweetheart is a really close friend. She reads my blog even though she doesn't actually follow it. I'll get you for that!

Anyways, we've known each other since primary school...Matter of fact, I can't even remember how we met!!

I love this chic so much and she's one friend that I'm so grateful that I have. She always understands and never judges me. She's always ready to listen. I also love the fact that she's very open with me.She never acts like I'm too 'good' to hear what's on her mind.

Yes hun...you know I'm talking about you...I love you hun. And I hope I'll always be there when you need me. Have a fabulous birthday and a great dinner. Too bad I'm going to miss it.

The second sweetheart is my ex bf. He is sooooooo adorable. We went out in junior secondary, we separated into different high schools and we met again this year and gave it a shot.

It didn't go exactly as planned but I don't regret it and I'm sure,neither does he.

Anyways, apart from being a really great bf, he was and is still a wonderful friend and I'm so glad I met him. Love you boo...you know I'm always there.

Have a great day and for goodness sake do something fun!

And another yay from me!!!

I'm finally moving today!!!!

Been waiting all summer for this...but now, I'm kinda scared...

a bother?

Remember F from my first post? Well he makes another appearance today.

He deleted me from his fb list the other day. I'm generally a nice person...to a fault, so I called him twice before I deleted his number and made an attempt to erase him from my memory.

Just when I was a making a bit of progress, he sent me an fb invitation. Me,being....well... me, I accepted it immediately and I buzzed him up so he could tell me what the whole thing was about.

Let me describe F. He is a very miserable person. He makes jokes at the expense of other people, well me mostly. He is a very sarcastic person and doesn't hesitate to tell me what he feels about me in a not-so-nice way.

One of the things that attracted me to him was his british accent.
Gosh, I've got a very weak spot for that accent and the funny part is I can hardly make the words out over the phone. But still, I absolutely love it.

Where was I?..o yes...the chat.
So I asked him why I had been deleted and he said he didn't know. Like I'm stupid!!...Did he really expect me to believe that for some strange reason unknown to him, right after we had an argument, I couldn't acess his profile??...

Well, I didn't push it because I know he hates it when I push things too far. I let it go and tried to get things on a more neutral level.
I said something about him bringing out a totally different person in me, not so neutral I guess, and then he said he was trying to be casual with me. I took the hint and tried acting casual.
And then he complained that I was being annoying!!
wtf did he want me to do???

As always, I tried to settle things and after a while we were actually talking freely with each other and then he started using all his british slangs on me.

I don't mind slangs.Matter of fact, I use them a lot. But forgive me if I don't understand his dimwitted slangs and asked for an explanation. And can you believe what he said?

He told me to stop acting dumb!
I'm nice, so I joked about it, even though I was mad as hell.

But really,this dude, he has some serious issues. I'm trying to cheer him up....I hate chatting with miserable people,it kills my spirit... and then he sends 'fi mi sile'...thats 'leave me alone' in yoruba...so I say 'e pele e ma binu'.....'sorry don't be angry'

He replied and said he was serious. So I took the hint and said goodnight.

What I don't understand is whether he is being a jerk or I'm being a pest. Believe me, I don't pester people, definitely not boys. I know,from experience, that the convo goes better when the boy buzzes me.

This was the first time in weeks that I had buzzed him, he was always the one doing it. If he has a problem with me, why can't he just say it? I always give people a chance...its just how I am...but have I jumped from being nice to being a bother??

Baby disaster!!!

So last night, I was doing what I do every night...trying to take over the world...

Ok...not really.

I was chatting with people on fb and watching that new Nick Cannon movie. 'American Son'. I think he is so hot!!..Can't understand why he chose that old bitch over me...urrghhh...

...I drift...

Yeah, I had headphones on so I didn't hear the gentle tap on my door the first time. When it came again, I wasn't sure what it was, so I turned down the volume and listened again. And then I heard it for sure, so I walked to the door and opened it.

It was my uncle. He had his younger son BC in his arms. He had to go to work and BC woke up while he was trying to sneak out quietly.

My job?....To make a two year old, hyperactive child sleep off...How the hell was I supposed to do that? I mentioned before that I'm an only child. I have no experience whatsoever with the species called 'baby'.

First off, I tried to bribe him with cookies and juice so he wouldn't wake his brother up. And then I made him watch the movie with me..

I must say I kind of felt guilty about letting him see Nick and that babe makeout. I considered covering his eyes....but then I thought 'what does he know?'...

..I stray again...

He must have gotten bored of that because he said he was tired so I closed my laptop...while all this was happening, I arranged to call this dude that I haven't spoken to in ages...and I wasn't going to let any...baby...stop me.

I lay on the bed beside BC, waiting for him to sleep. But I guess he wasn't quite ready because he got up and went to wake his brother up.

One baby is bad...but two....that's a nightmare!!

Allow me to introduce CK...he's a four year old terror.

Let's not forget my call date. I put the Tv on for them when it became obvious that they weren't gone sleep anytime soon. And I made the call...

It felt good to flirt again,even if it wasn't with a prospective bf.

While on the phone I checked on the kids every ten minutes or so... then the call was over...and the horror began...

Make two truants go to bed.

I turned the Tv off and got out the 'spanking cane'...I wonder what kind of name that is, but that's what they call it....I don't like spanking kids but this is the only way they listen to me...see why I call them truants?

Anyways, I lay on the bed beside both of them hoping they'll sleep off.

No such thing...CK decided he was hungry so I went downstairs and got him some cereal. Ofcourse BC decided he wanted too after ten minutes. Double journey for me.

After that they complained that they were thirsty. Two cups of water coming right up.

CK was about to say somethingelse and then I put my foot down. 'Everybody go to bed!'

Then CK said 'I don't like aunty, I like mummy and daddy'....If thoughts could kill,CK would have dropped dead on the spot.

So I lay down beside both of them thinking 'finally,some peace and quiet' and then they started talking. So I asked CK to move so I could lie between both of them. Believe me, I asked nicely but he refused.

I was at my wits end so I just pulled him over to the other side and lay down...and guess what?

He started crying. I didn't even hit the boy and he was wailing as loud as possible...wtf????

BC slept immediately I lay down,but CK continued crying...trust me, I ignored him easily,a skill I didn't even realise I had.

After crying for ten minutes, he stopped and said 'aunty, I wanna blow my nose'...and that was it!..

He went to sleep right after. I think he's crying must have worn him out...

All these issues and more that I've had with these children have made me rethink my decision to have kids. Like really?...is it worth it?...

Im 18 now and I know I'm not getting married in the nearest future...I also know that I might change my mind about kids as I grow older. But for now,its a definite no no situation.

Lord.....please....

Sometimes we are ignorant of other people's feelings and what they go through just to make us happy,or give us the best. Not because they don't matter to us or because we really don't want to know. It's because we just don't think about it. It never really pops up in our minds.
My cousin, Smith, called this morning. He told me how he had gone to see my father and the amount of stress my father seemed to be going through.
It got me really thinking. If my dad had done things differently,if he had sent me somewhereelse, if he didn't believe in me and my capabilities, he wouldn't be going through this.
Honestly, before now, I never took into consideration what he must be going through to have sent me so far away from home. I never looked at things from his point of view and because of that, I'm never cautious about what I do and don't do.
After speaking to my cousin, I realised that everything I did had an effect on my dad. One way or another. Being an only child, I tend to be very selfish...I'm not saying only children are selfish, but the tendency is higher..
...i stray...
I realised, anyway, that I had to start thinking about other people and not just myself. I needed to put myself in their shoes and behave the way I would want me to behave if I were them.
Unlike my father, I don't believe in myself that much...which is kind of good because it makes me remember God....I should remember Him more often, I know that.....I hope to change real soon too...
..i stray again...
so as I step into today...I've got one prayer on my mind...
Lord, please make my daddy proud of me....

Making my dad proud of me covers everything. My relationship with God, the way I treat people including my dad, and making all his stress worthwhile and not a waste....

what to do,what to do?

...so its the beginning of a new month....does mean the end of ....friendships?!

Lets call this dude 'F'. Back in high school, during my final year, I met a lot of people. F was one of those people. He was in boarding school and I was in a different day school. We talked over the phone and through the famous 'sms'. We were into each other after a while and soon he told me the big 'I love you'.

At the end of the school year, for some reason he started avoiding me. Soon I just let him be and paid attention to other guys. After all, he wasnt the only 'fish in the sea'. A year later, he sent me a friend request on fb. We started chatting all over again and then I, well we both realised, that the feelings we had weren't dead. So we started up again.

In comes 'C', my...shall I say, school daughter? Thanks to fb's promotion of ameboism, I found out that 'C' and 'F' knew each other. I must say, I was extremely shocked. I don't know why but I didn't like the fact that they knew each other. I chatted with both 'C' and 'F', separately ofcourse. After much investigation, I found out that he was probably runzing her. Not that it was my business. After all, we weren't going out....right?

Well, 'F' and I started arguing a lot, truthfully, it was my fault...I just couldn't deal with it.

Now today....well actually yesterday...
I put something up on my fb status about how I thought someone was different and it turns out he wasn't. 'F' knew I meant him. So he buzzed me immediately and we talked. The convo didn't go well and I went to bed very confused.

Finally..today,
I went on fb as usual, checking every once in a while to see if he was online. But he wasn't. I got sick of that and decided to stalk a little. I went to his profile. Only to discover it wasn't there!!!
Being an opptimist, I think, I assumed that he deactivated his account temporarily. I did an fb general search just to be sure. I was bummed! He was there, and it seemed nooneelse had been deleted, at leats not 'C'....

Well, now, I don't know what to do. Delete his number, luckily, I don't know it offhand/offhead...i forget which is right, send him an 'sms', or add him right back on fb..

what to do....what to do....